Friday, April 17, 2015

Dear Nora

It’s almost your first birthday and that means this first-time, pregnant-again mama is getting emotional. It’s hard to believe that you’ve been in our family for a year.  And, yet, you have fit in with us so seamlessly that it’s easy to know you’ve always been in our hearts.  There are a few things I want you to know now that I’m an expert mom {ha!}. I’m writing them down as a reminder to both you and me when our future selves are doubting.
  • Being a mom is hard, but not really as hard as some people will want you to believe. If you choose to become a mom one day, know that people will make parenting sound scary and intimidating. And, it is, but you have it in you to be the person you need to be no matter the challenge you are facing – parenting or other.
  • Sorry for… accidentally biting your finger when we were playing, pinching you when putting your pajamas on, not realizing you had thrown up in your crib soon enough, forgetting to change your diaper on a long car ride, dropping food on your head during the days that you stayed content in the Baby K’Tan, your dad pinching your finger in the rock and play (we’re lucky your fingers are all still intact), and everything I’ll do in the future that isn’t quite right. You deserve better and I’m getting better all the time.
  • Your name means “light.” And, I described you as full of light long before I knew that. Don’t let anyone dull that light.
  • I wet down your cowlick every morning. I think the spirited curl that sprouts on top of your head because of it might calm down once your hair gets longer. Truthfully, I hope it doesn’t, because I love it.  Regardless, I hope you’re always confident in the beauty you were born with. From the curl on top of your head to your curious spirit to the freckle on your knee to the seriousness in which you make your point to those killer eyes, you’re beautiful.
  • You have a really good dad. You know that today. Your light is brightest when he’s around. Don’t forget it in 11 years or in 24 years. Keep talking to him. Keep reading with him. Keep building that relationship.
  • You are skeptical and slow to trust others. I get it. So am I! But, girl, you have a lot of great people who love you, so go ahead, and let them in!
  •  Keep sharing things you love {Gerald} with others.
Photo by Heart Shot Photo
But, most of all, always know that we love you. We cut your bananas up into tiny little pieces for fear you might inhale them too quickly. I have more awkward “pumping” stories than I have time to tell. You didn’t get a blanket in your crib for a ridiculously long time. Your dad still gets scared when you walk on tile. Remember these things when you’re frustrated with us. They may be strange ways to show it, but we love you more than you know right now.

Love, Mom

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Planning for Suprises

I’m a planner at heart. Sure, I appreciate spontaneity, but I prefer to plan to be spontaneous. When we found out I was pregnant with Nora, it was surprising, yes, but we had been planning to have her for years.  I had no idea we would get pregnant at the exact time we were planning to begin IVF, but pregnancy was obviously in our plans.

Further, I struggled with pregnancy. The planner in me just wouldn’t be quiet. How could I plan for the potential risks that existed within my pregnancy?  And having my ideal pregnancy, labor and delivery? Well, if I’m being honest, I definitely didn’t understand that might be our outcome. Thankfully, it was. Thankfully, we have a healthy little girl. 

But, I needed time after that nine months of uncertainty to adjust – to adjust to the uncertainty that exists within being a parent. To come to a better understanding that life is good great, and sometimes when you plan for the worst and hope for the best, it really does happen.

So, what am I trying to say exactly?  Well, I had planned to come to terms with the idea that Nora may be it for us. That one little girl, full of light, might be the extent of our family. We had hoped to give her a sibling, but, we honestly didn’t know if it would happen. And, frankly, I was leery of pushing our luck. 

Well, while I was making my plans, someone or something was laughing – insistent on teaching me a lesson about planning and over-thinking everything.  I forgot that when they say your fertility is 50%, ultimately, it’s a crapshoot.  And, while half the time it’s impossible to get pregnant, the other half the time, everything works perfectly.

In short, Nora is excited to become a big sister in the fall of 2015.


I could say that I have no idea how this happened.  But, truthfully, I didn’t skip that day in sex-ed.  So, theoretically I know how this happened.  But, how could we be so lucky to experience a true surprise with this little one?  I’m not sure.

Here’s to relinquishing control.  To two under two! {gulp!} To my family of four! {smile}

Cheers, everyone!
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