Thursday, December 13, 2012

Acupuncture for Infertility

I am no fan of needles.  But, somehow, I dislike the fact that I don’t like needles even more than the needles themselves.  I’m a subscriber to the whole “mind over matter” train of thought.  Because of that, I always think I can mentally push through the whole needle-hating situation.  In fact, one time I left a class in high-school to give blood, and announced that I would be back after “saving the world!”   True to form, I headed in, had my finger pricked, and passed out.  True, embarrassing story!

So, I warned my doctor.  I told her I don’t like needles, and she was nice enough to cover my eyes with a scrumptious “lavender pack” before inserting needles into all of my pressure points and leaving me with a nurse to properly “harness my chi!”  I harnessed for three minutes.  Yes, you read that right.  Three minutes before I began to sweat like I had just finished a marathon, and lose all of my color.  Thankfully that nurse noticed (because this stubborn girl was hell-bent on pushing through) and removed all of the needles.  I lasted one-tenth the amount of time an actual acupuncture session typically lasts.

They talked to me about how my body was hitting a “reset” button, and how the energy was actually moving.  They attempted to convince me that this was a good thing.  And, I appreciate their effort.  I really do. Hell, everything they said may even be true!  But, nothing could stop the avalanche of tears that followed.

The problem with infertility is that it’s a constant battle with the idea of failing.  And, as I have explained before, I am an achiever.  This particular day may very well have been the hardest day I’ve had on this journey.  I couldn’t stop the flow of tears, the idea that I would never be able to give my husband a baby or the thought that if I couldn’t handle acupuncture than maybe I couldn’t handle the pain and anxiety of being a parent.  Another problem with infertility is that you come face-to-face with yourself at your most vulnerable.

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