So, I warned my doctor.
I told her I don’t like needles, and she was nice enough to cover my eyes
with a scrumptious “lavender pack” before inserting needles into all of my
pressure points and leaving me with a nurse to properly “harness my chi!” I harnessed for three minutes. Yes, you read that right. Three minutes before I began to sweat like I
had just finished a marathon, and lose all of my color. Thankfully that nurse noticed (because this
stubborn girl was hell-bent on pushing through) and removed all of the
needles. I lasted one-tenth the amount
of time an actual acupuncture session typically lasts.
They talked to me about how my body was hitting a “reset”
button, and how the energy was actually moving.
They attempted to convince me that this was a good thing. And, I appreciate their effort. I really do. Hell, everything they said may even
be true! But, nothing could stop the avalanche of tears that followed.
The problem with infertility is that it’s a constant battle
with the idea of failing. And, as I have
explained before, I am an achiever. This
particular day may very well have been the hardest day I’ve had on this journey. I couldn’t stop the flow of
tears, the idea that I would never be able to give my husband a baby or the
thought that if I couldn’t handle acupuncture than maybe I couldn’t handle the
pain and anxiety of being a parent.
Another problem with infertility is that you come face-to-face with yourself
at your most vulnerable.
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