Hey little bud with that toothy grin that makes my heart beat
differently than it did ten months ago! Yeah, you, with that perfect
baby body and the sweetest cuddles. You there. You could have warned me.
You could have given me a gentle nudge while you hiccuped in my
belly. A nudge that told me these last ten months were going to redefine
the word hard!
You could have told me the fear I felt when your sister
didn't cry out for me in the middle of the night any longer would be
trumped by the fear I felt when you were sick and cried out in misery.
You could have told me my heart would swell with love for you more
quickly than your sister's and it would simultaneously ache while I
watched hers catch up.
You could have warned me that I wouldn't sleep for ten months
straight. That I’d curse the woman I was before I met you – the woman
who seemed to know it all about how to make a baby feel secure enough to
sleep!
Frankly, you could have told me you'd be the catalyst for me to
call everything I thought I knew into question... how to be a working
mom, an effective wife and partner, and a nurturing parent.
You could have warned me, bud, but I know I wouldn't have listened.
Instead, as you have grown ounce by ounce, I have grown in patience and
understanding. In the process of completing our family, you've helped
complete me. My mind is more open and judgment comes slower now. I’m not
perfect, but I’m thankful.
You are a rare gift, Weston – the rainbow in the middle of the rain.
And, I’m thankful for all the love, lessons and laughter you’ve brought
to our lives.
A version of this post previously appeared at St. Luke's Birth Care Center.
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